Matthew Hawk Music
Imposter Syndrome and being Real
I want to talk about imposter syndrome.
It is something I struggle with, but not in the way that you would think. I have been working on a praise and worship album, not by choice, but it was something the Holy Spirit whispered to me while I was actually working on another album — an album that was more about love and peace to the world (even though very faith-based.) And I am so grateful that I listened to the Holy Spirit, because this worship album has been opening doors in new ways and providing new opportunities— yet again I feel unworthy.
I do NOT feel like an imposter as a musician or a songwriter. I am confident in my musical abilities.
I feel like an imposter in leading worship and creating a worship album. I don’t feel holy enough or righteous enough. I know my sins. I know my checkered past. I know my wounds and hurts and pain. I know my humanity. I see these men of God that are so holy and righteous and filled with God’s presence, they always make the right decisions and they are super Christians. I feel like a fraud. (Yes, i know, I need to stop comparing!) I am just a broken man with a musical gift. This morning I woke up, and I don’t know if it was the enemy speaking to me or not, but I began telling myself, who do I think I am making a worship album? I am not worthy of that. I am almost embarrassed by it. People who “know” me will laugh or judge me and tell me I’m not worthy!
And I had to remind myself that the Holy Spirit whispered me to do these worship songs. I had to remind myself that the songs were to God and not about me. These songs were to praise and bless him. The Bible says there are none righteous. There are none holy. We are saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, not by works. Not by what we do or don’t do. We become holy only by the blood of Christ who was crucified for our sins. The Bible says we all sin, and we all fall short of the glory of God. The enemy will tell us that we are unworthy of the calling that God gives us. The enemy will tell us that we are unworthy to praise him, and do whatever he can to stop us from praising him. The enemy (Satan) is the ultimate imposter.
When we realize it’s not about us, or how good we’ve been or how bad we’ve been or anything in our lives, but we realize it’s about him, Jesus, our savior, it changes the perspective. We may not be worthy to worship him, but he is definitely worthy of all the praise we give him. So I will trek on, unashamedly praising him, stains on my soul and all.
Give him some glory today, no matter where you are in your journey of life.
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